


Impulse Control? More like, No Control

by ScienceMachine



Category: Bleach
Genre: Crack Treated Seriously, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Crack, Gen, I Don't Even Know, Mental Health Issues, Multi, Social Media, YouTube, don't hide creator's styke
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-20
Updated: 2021-02-13
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:40:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,070
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28191840
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ScienceMachine/pseuds/ScienceMachine
Summary: “Remember that any bad idea can turn into a good idea! And in lieu of exercising boring things like basic common sense, we shall explore unearthed territory in my favorite subject of all subjects: Science!”[Urahara extends his arms in a sign of grandeur, the movement so fluid it looks unnatural and, for lack of a better word, ethereal.Ignoring this casual demonstration of inhuman fluidity, he gets his fan out of his robes and covers his face]“This time, I would like to ask the question: Is Coca Cola a potent enough combustible to reach the moon? Let's find out!”Or, YouTube was not ready for the force of chaos that is Urahara Kisuke.
Relationships: Kurosaki Ichigo & Urahara Kisuke, Kurosaki Ichigo/Urahara Kisuke, Shihouin Yoruichi & Tsukabishi Tessai & Urahara Kisuke
Comments: 22
Kudos: 178





	1. Getting started!

**Author's Note:**

> i should learn self-restraint  
> thanks to the UraIchi chat for the ideas!

Ichigo was awake at 3 am because stupid Kisuke couldn’t sleep like a normal person, or eat, for that matter.

“If you are so full of energy,” Ichigo made quotation marks with his fingers, “Why can’t you find a hobby and stop pestering me?”

“No can do” Replied the man, smiling widely.

“No can do?” Ichigo repeated, dumbfounded.

Kisuke frowned. “I don’t like to repeat myself, Kurosaki-kun”

The teen groaned, the table at the corner of the room was looking like a promising spot to bang his head against. Never had he met a more infuriating person.

Why, out of all the genius stereotypes, Geta-bōshi had to choose the if-I-am-bored-I-may-as-well-perish?

“Figures” He huffed.

The blond continued smiling while tinkering with a weird tube-like contraction, the nature of which escaped the hybrid’s comprehension skills. There was a point in the conversation of wrapping reality and bubbles where Ichigo had got more lost than in Soul Society. He really had tried to keep with the conversation — since the poor genius often went ignored by his friends and acquaintances who preferred to listen to what was practical to them and not the process — but he could only grasp the basics. By the happy glint in his usually shadowed eyes everytime Ichigo made a probably stupid question, the minimun of interest in him and his inventions was likely a balm to the man’s intellectual itch. One day Kisuke had gotten so excited, he had literally jumped up and down, clutching an atomic model in one hand and dragging the teen to the basement with the other.

All in all, Ichigo had concluded that the ex-assassin was extremely understimulated and, dare he say, neglected.

Hell, from the moment the orange haired teen began to interact in a meaningful way with this facet of Kisuke’s personhood, the man had grown healthier and there was a bit more chubbiness to his cheeks. And Ichigo had to resist the temptation to pinch them like he used to do with his sisters.

Kisuke suddenly let out a puff of air, his version of a deep sigh, and put the tube on the table. “Maybe the reason you are so tired is because of the complexity of this particular project”

Ichigo hated to admit it, but he swallowed his pride and nodded.

The substitute was not dumb, it was just that the ex-captain was exceptional on the brains department.

The room went silent, none of them knew how to break it. Suddenly the shopkeeper jerked and saw him seriously, removing his hat. “I appreciate what you are doing for me Kurosaki-kun, however, i have to remind you that you are not obliged to anything”

Kisuke had the tendency to not fare well in the emotional part of intelligence. Ichigo scowled. “You cannot make me do anything, I’m doing this because I want to”

No one should glance upon another with that much gratitude. “Thank you”

“Yeah, yeah” The hybrid rubbed the back of his neck, blushing. “We still have to find you a hobby”

The blond stared at him in confusion, and more than a little offended. “I do have hobbies,” He blinked. “Hobby”

Ichigo arched an orange eyebrow.

“My experiments?”

“And you are working yourself to the ground for it! Hobbies are supposed to be fun and relaxing, you are using yours as a job to please people” Brown eyes met silver. “When was the last time you did something just for the fun of it? That didn’t have the purpose of _bettering_ Soul Society?”

Was Kisuke _blushing_? The blond shook his head and quickly defended. “I do like it, Kurosaki-kun”

“I’m not saying you should stop, only to find time to waste energy and relax in a natural way. Like sports, or puzzles, or playing an instrument, or those stupid experiments I’ve seen on chemistry” He made a vague gesture with his hand. “You get the explosions you like so much and a standing city block”

“I am not disagreeing for the sake of disagreement. Having a hobby sounds delightful! Nevertheless...” His fan was moved to cover his face.

For someone like the shopkeeper, who had been raised in the ways of the assassin from a young age and thus had never been allowed to indulge in something that “wasted time”, finding enternteinment without feeling guilty for it was very difficult. And Kisuke had been avoiding any guilt-inducing behaviours like the plague ever since the Vizard fiasco.

He got his fun out of pranking people in between his responsibilities, but it also had the purpose of manipulating them into a sense of security. The ex-captain never did things by half. Within limits, the blond did just the necessary to survive and not go insane.

“Nevertheless nothing! You are hurting, and the people who give a damn about you hate to see you like this”

The hybrid picked up his backpack and showed the contents to a reprimanded Kisuke. “I got you some watercolors, pens, puzzles, I think I got an ukulele in the back, and some games on my tablet. You like shōgi?”

Ichigo had gotten better at taking advantage of the wonders of modern technology, and online gaming and computer AI may prove a challenge to the scientist’s genius.

“You like to use this platform, the one owned by Google, right?” Said scientist suddenly asked. “YouTube?”

“I also have—” Ichigo got lost in the middle of his sentence by the non sequitur. “What? Oh, yeah. I upload shit there”

Kisuke assented.

Then he did the absolutely most dangerous and horror-inducing thing a boring Geta-bōshi could do.

His smile widened, and the glint in his eye got damn near maniacal.

Ichigo almost ate dirt running to pick up his school books and out of the door. “See ya later, Geta-bōshi!”

He didn’t see Kisuke take out a camera from the bag Ichigo had abandoned in his haste.

~Be careful what you wish for, Kurosaki-kun~

_The Mad Hatter just uploaded a new video:_ _Be heartlessly welcome to Urahara Shop! We strive to make your life sweeter_

[A blond man with five o’clock shadow, traditional clothes and a striped green and white bucket hat is sitting placidly in seiza, sipping tea. The hat casts shadows in his handsome face, giving him an air of mistery.

The man smiles]

“Hello and welcome to my channel. I am Urahara Kisuke, your plain old shopkeeper”

[The man continues to introduce himself, what his channel is all about (a little bit of everything) and uses the opportunity to promote his candy shop]

“Thank you so much for watching, and please subscribe! I will update on mondays, wednesdays and sundays! Bye, bye!”

_**Video ends at 4:57** _

> **FriendlyBoy** 1 hour ago
> 
> lol you are damn funny, hope your yt
> 
> career goes well!
> 
> 5 **REPLY**

> **Flower Ornaments Fumihiro** 1 hour ago
> 
> Sounds interesting! Good start to your channel.
> 
> 0 **REPLY**

> **ARatherNormalSkull** 2 hours ago
> 
> did anybody see the weird flickering green
> 
> light on 1:35 or was it just me?
> 
> 0 **REPLY**

> **dinosaur lord** 2 hours ago
> 
> i came here looking for candy and found meme
> 
> gold, just what the hell is going on in your shop?
> 
> 10 **REPLY**
> 
> **▴ Hide 3 replies**

> **The Mad Hatter** 2 hours ago
> 
> Thank you Lord-san!
> 
> We hope you visit us soon!
> 
> 0 **REPLY**

> **dinosaur lord** 2 hours ago
> 
> ...ok
> 
> 0 **REPLY**

> **Tessai** 1 hour ago
> 
> What did I say about being unprofessional, Boss?
> 
> 2 **REPLY**

> **abominablealiensrobots &flowers** 2 hours ago
> 
> good for you Urahara-san! and the kids!
> 
> and Yoruichi-san! and muscle man!
> 
> 5 **REPLY**
> 
> **▴ Hide 2 replies**

> **The Mad Hatter** 1 hour ago
> 
> Thank you, Inoue-san!
> 
> You can come to the shop anytime you please.
> 
> 0 **REPLY**

> **abominablealiensrobots &flowers** 1 hour ago
> 
> woohoo, i’ll try out the new candy!
> 
> 1 **REPLY**

> **Chado** 2 hours ago
> 
> … good.
> 
> 0 **REPLY**
> 
> **▴ Hide reply**

> **The Mad Hatter** 1 hour ago
> 
> Thank you, Sado-san!
> 
> 0 **REPLY**

> **Ishida Uryū** 2 hours ago
> 
> Don’t destroy anything.
> 
> 2 **REPLY**
> 
> **▴ Hide reply**

> **The Mad Hatter** 1 hour ago
> 
> I am wounded, Ishida-san.
> 
> 0 **REPLY**

> **Future FIFAWWorldCup** 3 hours ago
> 
> why do i have the foreboding this’s gonna
> 
> be a _thing_ in the future?
> 
> 7 **REPLY**
> 
> **▴ Hide 5 replies**

> **Strawberry Fields Forever** ✓ 3 hours ago
> 
> maybe because it already is?
> 
> 5 **REPLY**

> **The Mad Hatter** 3 hours ago
> 
> Have faith, children.
> 
> When have I ever been a receipt for chaos
> 
> and disaster?
> 
> 0 **REPLY**

> **Strawberry Fields Forever** ✓ 3 hours ago
> 
> 1) not a child 2) since _ever_?
> 
> 2 **REPLY**

> **Tessai** 2 hours ago
> 
> Boss, don’t be unprofessional.
> 
> 2 **REPLY**

> **The Mad Hatter** 1 hour ago
> 
> You lot are hurting my feelings.
> 
> 0 **REPLY**

> **Hell-o Kitty** 4 hours ago
> 
> hahaha, this is going to be _fun_
> 
> 0 **REPLY**
> 
> **▴ Hide 3 replies**

> **Strawberry Fields Forever** ✓ 3 hours ago
> 
> ...please don’t start a house fire again,
> 
> three times is more than enough
> 
> 4 **REPLY**

> **The Mad Hatter** 3 hours ago
> 
> You should not be concerned about other people’s
> 
> property, Kurosaki-kun, but it is appreciated!
> 
> 0 **REPLY**

> **Strawberry Fields Forever** ✓ 3 hours ago
> 
> IT WAS MY HOUSE!
> 
> 6 **REPLY**

> **Strawberry Fields Forever** ✓ 4 hours ago
> 
> wtf, what are you doing Geta-bōshi?
> 
> 14 **REPLY**
> 
> **▴ Hide reply**

> **The Mad Hatter** 3 hours ago
> 
> Nothing to worry about Kurosaki-kun, just a hobby
> 
> and some much needed self-promotion.
> 
> We _do_ pay rent, after all.
> 
> 4 **REPLY**

> **matsumoto yuta** 5 hours ago
> 
> i love taking my little brother there!
> 
> the candies're so good and there's many to
> 
> choose from.
> 
> 1 **REPLY**
> 
> **▴ Hide 2 replies**

> **The Mad Hatter** 5 hours ago
> 
> Thank you, Matsumoto-san!
> 
> We have a new shipping coming next week.
> 
> 1 **REPLY**

> **matsumoto yuta** 5 hours ago
> 
> thank you, urahara-san! i’ll go with daiki-kun
> 
> 1 **REPLY**

> **the hottest man in the world** 6 hours ago
> 
> first comment!
> 
> 0 **REPLY**
> 
> **▴ Hide reply**

> **Mizuiro** 6 hours ago
> 
> No one cares, Keigo.
> 
> 3 **REPLY**

Much like a man begging for mercy, the orange haired teen wished that Kisuke would get bored after that one video. Both for the security of the internet and his own sanity.

He received a notification on his email:

From: noreply@youtube.com

Subject: The Mad Hatter just uploaded a new video.

To: kurosaki15ichigo@email.com

**The falsehoods of mimetism** **| The Mad Hatter**

Ichigo sighed, closed his laptop, and banged his face against the desk. Damn Geta-bōshi, and damn himself for telling the idiot to get a hobby!

Maybe Ichigo was in need of a nap, too much time studying and worrying was going to melt his brain.

It's not like he has to wait for it to get worse.

It undoubtedly will.

He recognized he had created a monster.


	2. Repository of Madness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> send help  
> btw, happy xmass eve!

It’s always 6 pm  
@uraharakisuke   
My new video _McDonalds: How to scar a shopkeeper for life_ is half-way done! 01:45 AM - 12 December 2014  154  368 

* * *

Ichigo the Orange  
@kurosaki15ichigo   
@uraharakisuke YOU ARE HERE TOO! 06:15 AM - 12 December 2014  10 56

Chappy for Life  
@SSKuchikiRukia   
@kurosaki15ichigo can you calm down? 06:58 AM - 12 December 2014  0  5 

Fire Pineapple  
@SSAbaraiRenji   
@kurosaki15ichigo yeah iichigo, relax 07:05 AM - 12 December 2014  0  1 

Ichigo the Orange  
@kurosaki15ichigo   
@SSKuchikiRukia @SSAbaraiRenji _YOU TWO ARE HERE TOO!_ 06:15 AM - 12 December 2014  1 3

* * *

bananarama  
@bnbanana   
@uraharakisuke i really love your videos, man. bbut the format you use’s weird af, you’ve so much diverse stuff in only 1 channl ‘n you nvr kno wat to expect.. 09:37 PM - 12 December 2014  3  98 

It’s always 6 pm  
@uraharakisuke   
Oh… I will take this into consideration, thank you!  10:45 PM - 12 December 2014  2  87 

bananarama  
@bnbanana   
@uraharakisuke glad i coulfd help¡¡ 12:37 PM - 13 December 2014  0  0 

_The Mad Hatter just uploaded a new video:_ _Updates on the channel format_

The Meat Mystery  
@meat-is-a-lie   
@uraharakisuke is possessed, change my mind 04:24 PM - 16 December 2014  50  765 

* * *

Stevonnie my Royal  
@FightMeInThePit   
Wait @kurosaki15ichigo and @uraharakisuke _know each other!?_ 10:11 PM - 17 December 2014  22  187 

frankly useless  
@krs559   
Why is it weird? 10:23 PM - 17 December 2014  0  4 

Stevonnie my Royal  
@FightMeInThePit   
@kurosaki15ichigo is Strawberry Fields Forever. You know, the dude who always rants about Shakespeare, updates videos of his sister’s recipes and his friends’ antics, and has those really good videos about mental health. He goes really underappreciated, his rants have helped me in more than one english assignment, and his advice on grief has helped me tons. 10:49 PM - 17 December 2014  48  361 

frankly useless  
@krs559   
cool, Imma check out his stuff then. 11:16 PM - 17 December 2014  3  17 

* * *

madara the memelord  
@pepethefrog   
@kisukeurahara ha, _gay!_ 12:35 PM - 19 December 2014  0  11 

incogmediagal idk where the anon ask went, tumblr is again having problems, so i’m answering on this post.  here is my list of underappreciated youtubers:  -Strawberry Fields Forever: be ready for a shakespeare fanboy like no other, his other stuff is interesting too! he makes videos in both english and japanese, but dw he always puts captions.  -HappySkill  -skeptic&afraid: old school creepypastas, the narrated ones.  -RoadToMars  -La sandía Marianela: (the Marianela watermelon) he is an expert on refreshing drinks with tropical fruits, he also makes other foodies.  -AAA+ strong: exercises and such, she is a champion bodybuilder in her country.  -spotskitty: their videos are adorable, from playing with their cats and Minney the Snake to making good wholesome commentary on lgbtq+ issues.  -Gamingpad: this a channel about gaming, but this couple’s dynamics are so cute i just can’t!  -and the winner is: The Mad Hatter and his other channels! he has content from almost everyone and is gaining subscribers real fast because of this, and you don’t have to worry about language ‘cause he also updates in both english and japanese with captains, and he’s really inclusive (makes audio-only videos for blind people, never missess captions, always puts warnings if its too bright or loud, ect), his english is so _flawless_ and _smooth_ i’m a tiny bit jealous! and did you know he's from the same town as the equally inclusive Strawberry Fields Forever? the more you know, right? omg i’m blushing but _i love him sm!_ ♥  sorry for the inconvenience, anon!  #sorryanon#unrecognizedtalent #youtube 1,092 notes 

_Repository of Madness just uploaded a new video:_ _Coca-Rocket Fuel, the moon is the limit_

[Urahara waves at the camera, a huge smile on his face.

He takes out a test tube from his clothes and spins it on the table. The tube, strangely enough, freezes mid-spin and ends up pointing at the viewers.

From inside the tube he takes a piece of paper, then unfolds it to reveal the Coca Cola logo.

The shopkeeper proceeds to burn it on his hand, without a lighter.

The flame is _glowing_ and _green._ ]

“Hi, and welcome again, to the Repository of Madness. In which our wildest fantasies come true”

[Cut to Tessai crossing his arms and looking to the heavens in resignation.

“Boss, this is a bad idea”

The picture is paused and a big, bold and red **_Boring!_** appears over the poor man's face.]

“Remember that any bad idea can turn into a good idea! And in lieu of exercising boring things like basic common sense, we shall explore unearthed territory in my favorite subject of all subjects: Science!”

[Urahara extends his arms in a sign of grandeur, the movement so fluid it looks unnatural and, for lack of a better word, ethereal.

Ignoring this casual demonstration of inhuman fluidity, he gets his fan out of his robes and covers his face]

“This time, I would like to ask the question: Is Coca Cola a potent enough combustible to reach the moon? Let's find out!”

_..._

**_Video ends at 10:18_ **

> **GothTimon** 1 hour ago
> 
> wjdbsia wtfh happened on _0:43_ ,
> 
> dude that was _smooth_.
> 
> 66 **REPLY**
> 
> **▾ View 8 replies**

> **lily-chan** 1 hour ago
> 
> 3:44!!!
> 
> did his cane just _glow?!_
> 
> 28 **REPLY**
> 
> **▾ View 4 replies**

> **Cat Programmer** 2 hours ago
> 
> Does anyone know how he did
> 
> the effects on _2:05_ _3:44_ and _5:20?_
> 
> They are very good.
> 
> 46 **REPLY**
> 
> **▾ View 15 replies**

> **Obey thy Overlord** ✓ 2 hours ago
> 
> Broke scientist: Has all the necessary equipment
> 
> in their lab.
> 
> Woke scientist: Produces giant test tubes out of
> 
> nowhere! _2:05_
> 
> 99 **REPLY**
> 
> **▾ View 37 replies**

> **todoXdeku** 2 hours ago
> 
> The black butterfly?? burned on his hair!
> 
> _Look at 5:20!_
> 
> 18 **REPLY**
> 
> **▾ View 5 replies**

> **The Meat Mystery** ✓ 2 hours ago
> 
> I’m upholding my theory that this dude
> 
> is possessed.
> 
> 34 **REPLY**
> 
> **▾ View 15 replies**

* * *

It’s always 6 pm  
@uraharakisuke   
I finally figured out the Coca Cola Formula. Happy Holidays, dear cavies! 02:08 AM - 25 December 2014  984  1.2K 

unofficial Coca Cola  
@cocacolastan   
@uraharakisuke yo, dude. wtf? 09:50 AM - 25 December 2014  45 404

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the "it's always 6pm" bit is a joke on the mad hatter getting trapped on a time loop as revenge, kisuke is taking his alice in wonderland gig seriously.


	3. Xmass Romance

It’s always 6 pm  
@uraharakisuke   
Christmas is a romantic time here in Japan. Send me your best love letters! 07:38 AM - 25 December 2014  966  3.3 K 

* * *

_Messing Around is now live streaming:_ _Reading your letters to my best friends_

Geta-bōshi  
  
You, my dear friend, are the most important person in my life.  
  
For fear of your rejection, I have abstained from confessing my feelings.  
  
However, I could wait no longer...  
  
From the deepest, and most treasured part of my heart, I offer my soul and the rest of myself to you only, my dearest.

Ichigo blinked and read his messages again, confused out of his mind.

_Did Kisuke just..._

Geta-bōshi  
  
Ily with all my and i’ld like to marry you   
  
wait me at the church at like 5pm with the dress that best marks all your curves.  
  
XOXOXO cutie pie  
  
wtf?  
  
geta-boshi  
  
what is this?

Ichigo, now blushing like no tomorrow, threw his phone against the wall and screamed in a very manly way against his pillow. Of all the ways to confess, why did Kisuke choose the only one capable of making him cringe to his very soul?

Shuddering, in part from Kisuke’s most recent idiocy and in part by how cold his room was, he took a blanket from his Rukia-free closet and wrapped it around himself just as another bone deep shiver wrecked his body. Winter definitely was not his time of the year.

Wait. Didn’t he install a heater last week? So, where—

“You have got to be shitting me,” The teenager said to the man perched on his window, phone in hand.

“I have to say that, by far, your reaction had been the most amusing, Kurosaki-kun”

A vein appeared on Ichigo’s frighteningly straight face. “Come here, you son of a—”

[The camera cuts to black at _24:19_ ]

> **The Mad Hatter** ✓ 1 hour ago
> 
> Don’t worry, dear cavies, I survived!
> 
> 890 **REPLY**
> 
> **▴ Hide 2 replies**

> **Strawberry Fields Forever** ✓ 1 hour ago
> 
> not for long.
> 
> 42 **REPLY**

> **The Mad Hatter** ✓ 1 minute ago
> 
> How scary!
> 
> 3 **REPLY**

> **Future FIFAWWorldCup** 1 hour ago
> 
> does this mean you consider Ichi-nii
> 
> one of your best friends?
> 
> 98 **REPLY**
> 
> **▴ Hide 4 replies**

> **The Mad Hatter** ✓ 1 hour ago
> 
> Why, of course!
> 
> 40 **REPLY**

> **Strawberry Fields Forever** ✓ 1 minute ago
> 
> … you are dead to me.
> 
> 8 **REPLY**

> **The Mad Hatter** ✓ 1 minute ago
> 
> Shh, Kurosaki-kun.
> 
> We don’t want them to know our secrets.
> 
> 6 **REPLY**

> **The Meat Mystery** ✓ 1 minute ago
> 
> This. This is _proof!_
> 
> 2 **REPLY**

Kisuke was placidly drinking tea in his shop when they heard what sounded like a truck crash through the door.

“Your funeral,” Cackled Yoruichi.

Kisuke only had time to unsheathe Benihime when a giant sword came for his head.

Tessai, who had been about to serve tea to Ichigo, shook his head, gave the still hot beverage to the amused woman, and collected the cups to wash them.

“Happy Holidays, Yoruichi-san. Give my regards to Boss” He voiced on his way to the kitchen.

“Will do!” She cringed slightly when the blond received a fierce kick to the head. “If he survives...”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for the steven universe inconsistency, and so i don't have to fix the last chapter, let's imagine it was premiered on 2012 xd.  
> Urahara calls his fans "cavies"


	4. in this sad times, feel #blessed

_Strawberry Fields Forever uploaded a new video called:_ _My story with PTSD_.

[Ichigo faces the camera, a serious look on his face, his frown more prominent than usual.

He looks away, swallows, and bites his lip. His gaze seems lost, as if he is remembering something unpleasant.

The orange haired teen exhales before he begins to talk, his voice scratchy and rough.]

“Hello, Romeos, Juliets and those in between.” He laughs at his own joke, but there’s no soul on it. “I’ve been remembering shit and, I just… This may sound like ranting… I—”

[He finally faced the camera.]

“Three years ago, around this date, something happened.”

“And I have to get this out of my chest.”

[He just _talks,_ only stopping to drink water or breath in the worst parts. How it all when he was fifteen and met his best friend Rukia, the many adventures they had before she was arrested for a crime she didn’t commit by her brother and her childhood friend, the effort they had to go through to get her out of the situation and the corrupt cop they uncovered in the process. The fight with corruption, his friends having to go overseas, the loneliness on its wake.]

...

“It was like my soul was ripped apart,” He smiled bitterly at some internal joke.

He played with the pillow he had taken to hugging during the filming of the video. It was a gift from his mother.

“After, well, _that_ ,” He made a vague gesture, “My friends, the ones that didn’t go overseas, and I steadily grew apart, or I separated myself from them, I don’t know.” Ichigo shrugged, crushing the pillow against his chest, his knuckles white. The teen let out a heavy breath.

“And then I met some people that were not so good.”

[The orange haired boy continues on with his story, and arrives at his current situation, dealing with some recent shit, and having decided to finally seek therapy. The eighteen year old looks dead on his feet once he finishes, but under that is a relief some people in his audience can identify with.]

“So, that was all. It was a _lot_ , I know...”

…

**_Video ends at 15:17_ **

> **FriendlyBoy** 2 hours ago
> 
> thank you for sharing this with us.
> 
> you are so brave.
> 
> 789 **REPLY**

> **Princess Stevonnie** 3 hours ago
> 
> sometimes it just comes, and comes, and
> 
> never goes away. _This_.
> 
> 999 **REPLY**

Inoue  
  
Remember you have all of us, Kurosaki-kun.  
  
Even if we can not understand your pain completely...  
  
We have lived similar experiences.  
  
We won't fail you like we did last time.  
  
tk, Inoue

Ishida  
  
As I suspect Inoue-san has already said, we may not understand all of it, but we have lived  
  
through similar circumstances and we will support you like you have done for us many times before.  
  
Now let's forget I send you any of this. Contrary to you, I have a reputation to maintain.  
  
tk, i think?

Chad  
  
You stand by me, and I stand by you.  
  
yes   


Geta-bōshi  
  
Kurosaki-kun. This may sound in poor quality, and quite hypocritical coming from me, but…  
  
Are you okay?  
  
i’m better.  
  
posted the video to kind of get over the experience, and to help others like me.  
  
i know my therapist (tk for recommending them) said that it takes time and i can’t make it go away like trash.

Geta-bōshi  
  
but it helped.  
  
Do you want to come for tea? (Just to calm my poor nerves, they have been rather jittery lately).  
  
I don't want to impose however.  
  
no it’s okay. i’ll be there in five.  
  
Thank you, Ichigo.

_Hell-O Kitty uploaded a new video called:_ _in this sad times, feel_ **_#blessed_ **

[The video looks shaky, as if the person who is recording it is hiding so as not to be discovered by the two men sitting quietly while sipping tea.

Ichigo finishes his cup, stretches lazily, and yawns.

His companion, now hatless, raises an eyebrow in amusement before copying the teen and making some kind of impossible yoga pose to normal non-rubber humans. In his comfortable position, if you can call a crow pose that, he lowers his front and raises his legs to stretch, ignores Ichigo’s snort, and changes into a handstand pose. His movements, as always, are impossibly smooth and fluid.

The blond puts all his weight into his right arm and bups Ichigo’s nose with the other, smiling like the ~~little shit~~ conniving bastard he is.

The orange haired man rises to the challenge, and tries to imitate him only to fail miserably. To the absolute amusement, and ground shaking giggles, of the full grown adult who started the childish competition. Ichigo develops a tick in his eye, picks up the pouting madman, and deposits him atop the table.

The compromising position does not escape them, and Kisuke rapidly hops down to collect the discarded tea cups, playing ignorant.

Once done, the blond then procures a bowl from under his robes, opens it, and offers candy to an equally blushing Ichigo.]

Ichigo takes a red hard candy from the collection. “Even if stressing at times, YouTube has been kind of a blessing. Don’t you think?” He mentions, sucking on the treat.

Taking the change of subject like the salvation it is, Kisuke responds almost immediately. “It can be considered so,” His smile narrowed, “But, while fun, it is incredibly time consuming.”

“Urahara-san...”

Kisuke took out his paper fan, reached for a hat that wasn’t there, and gave his ex-pupil a sheepish look. “I have been compromising other basic activities for the sake of maintaining my hobby. Let us not mention the _more important_ activities that have been forsaken for some entertainment on my part. Not to be unfair to you, it was esplendid and I adored every single moment sharing ideas and meeting like minded people. Nonetheless the time I have at my disposal is too short to partake in such activities for much longer.” His expression, during his rambling, had slowly gone from distressing to blank and empty in order to hide his emotions, his spy instincts kicking into gear. “Such a shame, considering how much I liked it.”

Ichigo sighs, “Not this again... Is this why Tessai told me you’ve gone almost a week without sleeping? No— Don’t answer me. I know you. Of course you did, idiot workaholic.”

The blond, who until that moment had been staring emptily at some far away corner of the room, ignores him and continues to ramble on. “Am I losing too much time with my videos? Many of my projects are behind schedule and Mayuri needs to double check some calculations. Yet I don’t want to part with them.”

Kisuke… Kisuke looks _sick_ , and Ichigo hates to see him this way.

“Can’t he just figure it out by himself? He has computers and stuff, it’s not like you guys need to make them by hand. Or you, for that matter. Have they even _thanked_ you for what you've done for them, for _free_?”

“When they are this delicate, they _precisely need_ to be run by hand.” Kisuke said, not to be impolite but to stress the importance of the situation (and to avoid Ichigo's distressing, and fair, point). His complexion turns more pale, and his rapid breathing exacerbates. “And the calculations themselves _are_ for the _computers_ , Kurosaki-kun.” The ex-assassin breaks character and some of his panic bleeds throught his mask. “Perhaps it really would be in our best interest if I quit, plain and simple. It was a fun endeavor and...” He faces Ichigo, unsure of his next question, “It made me happy?”

Yep, Ichigo is about done with this shit. “For fuck’s sake. Tessai! Could you please bring pillows and a blanket?” He asks, only to find them already upon the table Kisuke had sat on. “Woah, he sure is efficient.”

[Again, in a scene eerily similar to just a few moments ago, the orange haired teen picks up his disaster of an adult friend and deposits him on the table, climbing on it himself soon after. Deciding to ignore the creaking of the wood, and praying that it won’t give, he wraps the two of them in the blanket and encourages the ex-assassin to hug a pillow to his chest.

Ichigo leans closer until their thighs touch. Kisuke lets out a nervous breath before slowly inclining his head till it is hovering over the Hybrid’s shoulder, and shoots him a questioning look. The hybrid smiles — and blushes — and puts his head above Kisuke's crown, the blond hair tickling his chin, and closes his eyes.

The video cuts with the image of Ichigo trying to pinch Kisuke’s new chubby cheeks, who is making his best impression of a giggling, and drunk, tomato.]

_**Video ends at 19:20** _

frankly useless  
@krs559   
while the topic was heavy, and the poor beans really need hugs and love and cuddles, i just have to be the smug bastard on this one... i told y’all so! they are totally gay for each other! 11:00 PM - 27 December 2014  244  560 

Stevonnie my Royal  
@FightMeInThePit   
a new ship has sailed for many of us. should we call it #MadStrawberry or #MadForever tho?  11:49 PM - 27 December 2014  864  3.6 K 

todoBB  
@tododeku15   
#MadStrawberry newest OTP guys 01:18 AM - 28 December 2014  27  96 

Goth-dess  
@SamPlantQueen   
tbf #MadForever sounds so romantic, and funny. 05:54 AM - 28 December 2014  63  158 

Yoruichi-san  
  
Why?  
  
you two looked adorbs, Kisuke. i couldn’t resist.  
  
This is not the kind of internet phenomena I desired to initiate.  
  
too bad, sweet _cheeks_

Yoruichi-san  
  
Kurosaki-kun says he is going to take revenge.  
  
hahaha.  
  
I am not going to stop him.  
  
...fy, petty bastard  
  
See you later, Yoruichi-san.

The Meat Mystery  
@meat-is-a-lie   
@uraharakisuke 02:24 PM - 29 December 2014  789  2.7 K 

It’s always 6 pm  
@uraharakisuke   
The question should be: How many mad-scientist gods are out there controlling our lives?  09:56 PM - 29 December 2014  1.9k  5k 

Jazz Rocks!  
@SSHirakoShinji   
@uraharakisuke Oh, for fuck’s sake! There are, like, two or three. Maybe four. And all of them are secret assholes. 10:22 PM - 29 December 2014  149  567 

It’s always 6 pm  
@uraharakisuke   
@SSHirakoShinji I take offense to that! My itty bitty heart has already gone through the wringer thanks to Kurosaki-kun's totally insensitive comments. Such a poor soul, ‘tis I. 10:46 PM - 29 December 2014  978  2.1K 

Frankilicious  
@It'sPatrick!   
… I’m too afraid to ask.  09:56 PM - 29 December 2014  643  1.2k 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> atm, the UraIchi interactions will be totally platonic till i find the right formula to write romance.  
> now on a more serious note, should it be #MadStrawberry or #MadForever? did I make Kisuke too soft (and ooc)?  
> tbh, this was my less favourite chapter, a total mess, but it is the best i could come up with.

**Author's Note:**

> Sources for the skin:
> 
> [ https://archiveofourown.org/works/7953412 ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/7953412)  
> [ https://archiveofourown.org/works/15664164 ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15664164)  
> [ https://archiveofourown.org/works/21099596/chapters/50203892 ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21099596/chapters/50203892)  
> [ https://archiveofourown.org/works/11474979/chapters/25731342 ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11474979/chapters/25731342)  
> [ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rhPSo4_Tgi0 ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rhPSo4_Tgi0)


End file.
